I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
