Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
