i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
