Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
