there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
