I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
