He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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