I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I cut my penus on the lid.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize