maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
