since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
