the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
