'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
