do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
It's official drugs can't kill me
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
