I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
i think i just lost a toe
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
