Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
