he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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