Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
