I don't usually arrange sex via text message
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
