is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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