i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
