when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
