You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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