so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
