he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
