I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize