Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
