I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
