Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I love having hate sex.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize