before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
