So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
