i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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