So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
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