You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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