Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
