She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
my shit smells like andre
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
