the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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