fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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