Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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