i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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