it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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