You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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