I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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