So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
