Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
