I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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