Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
