I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
