I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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