two words...techno handjob
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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