you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
