he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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