I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
