That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
