Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
