she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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