im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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