What did we do last night that was yellow?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
