so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
