I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
