Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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