I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
