I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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