When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
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