You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
