Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
