My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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