I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
