He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
