Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
