oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
