Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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