Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
