oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
