Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
