highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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