somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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